The Little Pony

A question I get every day is “Kevin, what phone do you use? How does a man, who faces danger at every corner, find a phone that fits his lifestyle?” Easy. Get an indestructible phone. While this is my third indestructible phone (the other two still work, I could use them at any time and they would still work), this one, the Nokia 6120 Classic is the newest, most indestructible phone yet. Constructed out of plastic and possibly metal, the phone undergoes some strict conditioning to raise its inner indestructivity. What? That’s not a word you say? You’re just a scrub.

Allow me to explain what your inner indestructivity is. Everything in the world has the potential to become indestructible, just, the more seatbelts you use, the more clothes you wear during the winter, the less it works. The more danger you put yourself in, the more your indestructivity awakens. This takes years of training but once you become a grand master like me, then, you will achieve an aura of indestructivity that extends to everything you touch. My phone technically doesn’t need to go through the conditioning it does, but on the off chance that I lend my phone to someone and they venture beyond a 5 meter radius which my aura extends around, and say, drop my phone down two floors at UTSC, then it could break! This is merely a precaution. Had I known those bastards would do that, I would have increased my aura to the whole school, but such power could have grave unforeseen consequences and I must use my power responsibly.